I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
