respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
