quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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