Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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