Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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