I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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