On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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