i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
