we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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