I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize