Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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