did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
