i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
