Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
