we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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