apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
