pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
