New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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