Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
