Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
