maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
