your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
