Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
