Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
