not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
