Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
