if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
