Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
