I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
