I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
