I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
