All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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