remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
