Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
