So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
