Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
