My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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