Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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