Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
