We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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