The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
