I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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