I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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