3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
