I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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