I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize