Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
