I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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