Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
