remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm always down for nudity.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
