Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize