Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
