That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
