Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
