You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
