What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you made out with another girl for some wings
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
