He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
