I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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