The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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