my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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