too bad you live with your parents still
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need a beard to bite.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
