So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
