Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
