so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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