At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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