he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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