omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
